I Failed, Here's What I Learned

Older Black woman in light blue tank top, smiling, appears to be working out outside.

I belong to a Facebook running group. The positivity and encouragement have gotten me ‘up and out’ many a day. Knowing that others experience the same things that I do is an incredible boost - especially on the not-great-days. Seeing women in my age group push through limitations, aches and pain, makes me feel like I can do ‘hard things’ too. 

Today I was sure that I’d run my best mile. 

My goal was as SMART as I could make it:

• Specific: Reduce my mile pace. 

• Measurable: I used a timer to race a mile.

• Achievable: Based on my training and pace, it is realistic.

• Relevant: Perfectly aligned with my improving my run time, overall fitness level and, increasing workouts outside

• Timebound: I gave myself a month to increase time by one minute.

I had a specific, realistic goal that was timebound. And even though I ran a really hilly 5k yesterday, my legs and lungs somehow still did not get the message. Something was blocking the transfer. Sometimes the messages that bombard the brain and body can disrupt our best-laid plans. 

The truth is, every time I get up to the starting line, I am anxious: doubts and fears about my time, breathing challenges, trying to focus on form, all kinds of things. It was challenging to keep slogging around the track. 

Here’s What I did it

A suggestion that I consistently make to clients is to take small steps, today, I took my own advice. The distance was not working today. Reluctantly, I finished out the mile with a fast-pace walk. This gave me time for some self- coaching: Ok Maggie, you’re still moving, let’s figure this out. 

With my mind-body connection disrupted, luckily, my training as a social work therapist kicked in. 

Reassessment, adjustments, course-correction are all part of the process that keeps us moving forward.

Reduce expectations

Instead of running my best mile, I worked to do my best quarter mile. This helped me to see what I was doing more clearly. In the first spurt, I noticed:

• My breathing was labored - loud huffing noises
  

• Too much forward leaning - my form was off
  

• Foot drag - the bottom of my shoe scraped across the asphalt

Without realizing it, I used parts of the GROW method

The After Effect

On my walk home, all the ‘whys’ ran through my mind. 

So I took my time with my feelings. 

Acknowledging the bad as well as the good is crucial in processing the situation and moving forward.

I felt sorry for myself and used kind words to describe and normalize what I was feeling. This encouragement and support helped me put this experience in perspective, learn from it and keep going. 

I realized that anxiety and memory of past pain had taken over. The severe two month long sciatica attack last year still hovered and left an annoying little catch in my groin. 

Frustration with my current fitness level did not help. The reality that my physical abilities are affected by my age is hard to accept; I’m still working on it: All the more reason that I keep up with my strength-building workouts!

Giving Yourself Grace

Embracing my feelings around this experience felt great! Over the years, I’ve learned to be kind and accepting of my short-coming, all of them! It dawned on me that this process fits the definition of giving ones’ self grace.

According to Sara Turknett, this phrase is rooted in Yoga practices and can be found in other spiritual practices as well. She offers tips for incorporating this concept into your life.

I believe it is the growth mindset in action. 

Moving beyond our past is possible. Hard work, perseverance, pushing through the pain - physical as well as mental, will get us to better, and that’s the goal; not perfection.